


Shelter

by kedgallifrey



Category: Love Simon (2018), Love Victor (TV 2020), Simonverse | Creekwood Series - Becky Albertalli
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canon Gay Character, Canon Gay Relationship, Coming of Age, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, THERE WAS ONLY ONE BED
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-03
Updated: 2020-07-03
Packaged: 2021-03-05 06:27:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,131
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25049899
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kedgallifrey/pseuds/kedgallifrey
Summary: Victor and Benji spend the night in a motel in Willacoochee. What could go wrong? And what happens if a message goes to the wrong recipient?[Just a bit of episode 7 canon but with a slight change...]
Relationships: Benjamin "Benji" Campbell/Victor Salazar
Comments: 12
Kudos: 169





	Shelter

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first time I've written fiction in english (which is not my native language), so... sorry for all the possible grammar mistakes, typos or whatever stuff I haven't catched in the 64587 times I've re-read this.

What the Hell are you doing, Victor?

I wash my face again in the sink, the sound of my heartbeat ever-present in my head. Why did I do this to myself? I mean, I know. It was a chance to spend the night with Benji. Just him and me. Alone. And the room has only one bed, of course. I feel like I’m in a dream and a nightmare at the same time. As if my life wasn’t complicated enough as it is.

So now I’m here. Am I hiding in the bathroom? I’m kinda hiding. And I’ve just realized I don’t have any kind of pajamas or anything so I’m gonna have to be in that room wearing only my t-shirt and my underwear. Which is also great. But there’s no avoiding this so I look in the mirror one more time and say to myself a silent “you’ve got this” before going into the room.

And he’s just there, sitting on the bed. The only bed. I awkwardly put my pants between him and me. Like it would cover anything, really. He’s not even shirtless, and he’s not looking at me right now, but my heart beats louder as I see him and I realize I can’t do this.

“Hey, look, you can just sleep in the bed and I’ll just sleep on the…” as I look down, I see a stain on the carpet. I don’t even know what it is, but it looks like the carpet has hardened under it. Oh, well. “… floor.”

“That carpet is pretty nasty,” he says, shrugging the whole thing off. “C’mon, there’s plenty of room.” I guess he didn’t catch the look of sheer panic I must have on my face. Or maybe he did and he’s just nice all the time. Just one of the things I love about Benji. I can’t help myself but smile.

I turn to set my things down on the dresser before my smile turns into a blush, and there it is, just laying before my eyes. Benji’s driver’s license. Which I thought he didn’t have. I know I have no business feeling this way, and I would probably be called a hypocrite for it, but I don’t think Benji has ever lied to me before this and I can’t help but feel a pang of pain in my chest.

“I, uh, thought you never passed your driver’s test,” I say before I can even stop myself. And I regret it the moment the words escape my lips, because I trust Benji with my whole heart. But, I mean, there must be some kind of explanation.

Benji’s expression sours, and guilt creeps up on me for a moment for putting him in this position. “That… wasn’t exactly true. I have a license, it’s just… suspended,” he says, his words coming out awkwardly and dropping like a sigh.

“Why? What happened?” I ask as my feelings of passing hurt give way to concern.

“Before I came out, I was kind of a mess. I knew I was gay, but I didn’t want to be. So, I drank. A lot. And then, one night, I got super wasted, and decided that I wanted Wendy’s. Real bad. So, I took my dad’s car to the drive-through, and that’s exactly what I did. Drove through. The Wendy’s.”

“Oh my god,” I respond, hanging to every one of his words. And there’s something about him sitting there, opening his whole heart to me, that makes me drop all my anxiety about the situation. And I just wanna be there with him. Be there _for_ him. I sit on the bed next to him, aware of our closeness but, in this instant, I’m not worried about it.

“Yeah. Luckily, no one was hurt, but I totalled my dad’s car.”

“Wow, That’s intense. Were, were you okay, or…?”

“Yeah. Yeah, just banged up. But waking up in the hospital with my parents standing over me? It made me realize that I could’ve died without ever really being who I was. So that’s when I came out.” As he finishes, I can’t help but to wonder what it would be like if I have to come out. Is it always like this? Messy and almost traumatic? Why should I have to go through something like that? I don’t think I want this.

“Hey,” he interrupts my thoughts and I gladly accept that interruption. “No one at school really knows about the accident, so if you could-”

“Yeah,” I say. “I won’t say anything. But thank you for telling me.”

“Of course. You are so easy to talk to. I’m really glad you started working at Brasstown.” The way he looks at me, the way he says those words… I feel like the whole room fades away for a moment and there’s only him and me sitting on this bed.

“Me too.”

The silence hangs for a moment, while he just looks into my eyes. I become aware of the heartbeat in my ears again and it would be so easy to close the distance right now. But he finally looks away and says that we should get to sleep. Yup, that’s exactly what I was thinking. He says goodnight as he turns away and kills the light, ready to sleep.

But I’m just sitting here, cross-legged on the bed, with my emotions ready to boil for this boy who just now opened himself to me, who says he’s really glad to spend time with me, who makes my heart skip a beat every time I see him. The flash of light of a distant lightning brightens the room for a second. I look at him again. And I feel like I can’t take it anymore.

My hand moves slowly towards his shoulder and as it finally grazes him, Benji stirs and turns to look at me. I guess he says something but all I can hear right now is the loud, ever-quickening beat of my heart. And all I can see is him. And his lips. So I finally close that distance.

His lips are as soft as I thought they would be, but that’s not what’s filling my thoughts right now. I can feel his hand holding onto my arm as I kiss him. Best of all, I can feel him _kissing me_ _back_. The world stops for a moment.

And then it really stops.

He pushes me away. Not angry, not mad at me. He just says “Victor, no”. But I feel reality catching up to me. Oh, God. He has a boyfriend. _I have a girlfriend_. What have I done? If he didn’t see the look of panic before, he definitely sees it now. Oh, God.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” it’s all that I can say before I feel the need to run away. So I do exactly that. I just pick my phone and run into the hallway.

I drop to the floor and grab my knees. The world just seems to blur around me.

What.

Have.

I.

Done.

So, this is what it feels like when everything comes crushing down around you? I feel like I’m on fire. Everything I’ve worked to build since I moved here has just gone up in flames and I’m just surrounded by the rubble of my mistakes. But, strangely, one thing comes into focus at this moment. And I can’t place it into words. Not right now. But I know it’s true. So I open my Instagram and cope with it the only way I know how.

_I kissed him, Simon. I kissed him and it was the worst thing I could’ve done. I can’t keep denying this. I am what you think I am, but I hate this. I don’t want my life to be this hard._

I hit send and let my head drop against the wall, my whole body working towards keeping the tears from falling in the middle of this hallway. Because it really takes all of my strength for me not to cry my heart out in this moment. I feel like I’m losing everything all at once.

And then I hear the sound of a door opening. My head turns instinctively and I catch a glance of Benji for a second before I bury my face in my knees. I don’t want him to see me like this. Not that It could get any worse.

“So… I guess this message wasn’t meant for me,” he says slowly, as if he’s doubting every word coming from his mouth. Turns out, it could get worse. I bury my head deeper in my knees as I feel the tears starting to fall. I can’t keep myself together any longer. I’m done.

But I feel his hands, gently rising my head from my knees. Through the blur caused by my tears I see him, kneeled before me. His lips curved in a soft and reassuring smile.

“It’s okay, Victor,” he says, and I feel like I’m never gonna stop crying now. His arms wrap around me in a hug and I just bury my face in his chest, painfully aware that I’m messing his shirt with my snot and tears. I can’t bring myself to hug him back. “It’s okay.”

He just stays there, holding me until my tears eventually run out. Then, he caresses the side of my head. I lean a bit into his hands, not wanting to let him go. He looks at me for a while and then he just sits cross-legged on the floor in front on me, grabbing his own ankles. The silence extends for a moment. I can barely look at his face but I finally give in and look into his eyes. “Why…?” is all that I can say at the moment. So many words could follow that one but I can’t bring myself to say any of them.

“Because I’ve been where you are,” he says softly. “And I know what you’re going through.”

“But I’ve…”

“We have. And I’m not saying I’m getting over that just yet. You know I can’t be with you right now.” For some reason, those two words linger in my ears for a moment before Benji continues talking. “I have Derek, and you have… Mia. But I’m not gonna leave you alone. I may not be able to be with you, but I can be there for you.”

For a moment I feel I might start crying again. Because here’s Benji. Handsome Benji, caring Benji, who is nice all the time. Being nice to me once again when he definitely shouldn’t be. Being the friend I never expected to have.

“What about Derek,” I whisper, looking at the floor. Benji might be incredibly understanding, but I’m really not sure Derek would be.

“Maybe we won’t tell him for now. I’m pretty sure he’d freak out,” he adds with an earnest chuckle and I can’t avoid smiling for a second. My eyes meeting his in a moment of silence. It almost seems like everything’s fine.

“Thank you.”

But he doesn’t respond. He just slowly gets up to his feet and offers his hand to me, and I take it, rising to my feet before joining in another embrace. I can’t believe he’s still here with me, but I hold on to him and promise myself I’ll never let go. Not really.

“We should _really_ get some sleep Victor. C’mon,” he says as he puts his arm around my waist and leads me to our room. Which I appreciate, because I feel like the only thing keeping me together in this moment is him.

He lays on one side of the bed and I just stay there, next to it, rubbing my arm, my eyes darting all over the place. “Are you sure?” I ask, because I feel like I’ve abused his trust enough tonight.

But he just looks and me and says, “Of course”. So I gently lie on the other side of the bed. “Goodnight, Victor.”

“Goodnight, Benji.”

And sleep doesn’t come with ease, but it does come.

I wake up with the first ray of light making its way into our room. Benji is still sleeping peacefully, his body turned towards me, his fingertips barely apart from mine. I could just link his fingers with mine, but I guess now is not the time. I don’t move, though. I stay there, thinking about how this could have been the worst day of my life.

His eyes open eventually, and I just whisper to him, “Hey”. As he sees me, his lips curve in a soft smile that brightens my day before it has even begun.

“Hey.”

And I think I just might be alright.


End file.
